Why the First Breakup Never Works

Everyone experiences breakups at some time or another. It’s inescapable. People unfortunately grow apart. What started out as a fruitful union with visions of marriage and a house full of children suddenly sours and becomes untenable.

Photo courtesy of Piotr Marcinski at Shutterstock.com
Photo courtesy of Piotr Marcinski at Shutterstock.com

Maybe he has too much k-9 in his bloodstream and cannot keep his hands to himself (it’s not like you didn’t try to set him straight with a frying pan to the skull or two) and maybe she has a decent amount of self-respect. Maybe she tells the most gigantic lies (beginning with who she told you she was in the beginning) and now you realize that the reality of who she is just doesn’t match up. Or maybe the two people have just become exhausted with ignoring what is obvious to them both; it just isn’t working. It’s one of the facts about life that mom and dad failed to explain to you during their version of “The Birds and The Bees”. People break up. There is no forever.

But one of the most curious things about breaking up is the amount of time it takes for both parties to get the message. We’ve all witnessed that one person that gets it right on the first try. This person seems to have ice water running in their veins. We secretly marvel at how ruthless they can be. It’s nothing for them to break up with the person in public while sipping a Latte.

“I’m sorry. This just isn’t working out. We can’t be friends so don’t call me anymore. Bye!” I mean there’s something that’s just serial-killer cold about that approach. The breakup recipient is usually bawling their eyes out while the relationship killer eats a bagel. Wow!

But the average person usually takes four or five tries before they actually find the courage to sever that cord. Why is that? Are we weaker people who don’t possess the intestinal fortitude to remove pain from our lives? Are most of the people that we see walking around everyday a bunch of cowards?

Here are the 5 Reasons Why the First Breakup Never Works:

  1. Fear of being alone: The average person is a serious coward when it comes to ending a relationship. There is always a voice in the back of your head that’s making you doubt your decision.
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

    What if she marries someone else? What if he is right and I’m just being too difficult? What if I never find another person? These are all valid questions but what the average person fails to realize is that their basic common sense has been telling them the opposite.

  2. Sex: That’s right, I said it. Sex. Let’s face it. Sex is a powerful weapon to control even the strongest person. And once you’ve found that person that knows how to manipulate all of your bells and whistles you’re more than a little hesitant in throwing them away.
    Photo courtesy of Kopytin Georgy at Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Kopytin Georgy at Shutterstock.com

    Finding someone that loves you and can give you some serious good-good is rare. I’ve seen many women who knew their lovers were outright sleeping with other women (sometimes their best friend), continue the relationship with the man because of his skill between the sheets. Ultimately they couldn’t hack it but not before several years had passed by. Sex is powerful glue in a relationship.

  3. Manipulation: Some people are mentally stronger than others. And this is always the case in a relationship. One person usually knows all of the right things to say during an argument and how to extend their life within the relationship longer than it should.
    Photo courtesy of Nemida at Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Nemida at Shutterstock.com

    They know about what happened to their girlfriend when she was a child and how her father abandoned their family (which he just so happens to mention just as you’re tossing his butt out into the street). She knows that his last girlfriend cheated on him and became pregnant with another man’s child, which she mentions just as you’ve packed your bags to leave. Mind games. And they work.

  4. Need Vs Wants: Sometimes the wants are powerful. Your girlfriends brag about how happy they are in their relationships. Every TV commercial you see hints at marriage.
    Photo courtesy of Lena Ivanova at Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Lena Ivanova at Shutterstock.com

    Your mother and father are always on you about when they can expect grandchildren. So it’s hard for you to give up a fruitless fight. By doing so you’ll have to completely start over. “Isn’t it better to just grin and take it? After all, nobody’s perfect,” are the things you try to tell yourself to stay in the game. Wanting that diamond ring is powerful and can sometimes drown out what you need. But that is usually only for a time. The “need” always wins.

  5. Laziness: Some people are just lazy. They’d rather live in filth than to clean up their emotional house. Instead of tossing the relationship in the garbage and starting over, they’d rather just pretend things are good.
    Photo courtesy of txking at Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of txking at Shutterstock.com

    Some will even play “get back” by being vindictive in the same ways that their lover hurt them. “Oh, he cheated on me so I’m going to pay him back.” Laziness is willful blindness and usually gives someone an excuse to behave in ways that they otherwise wouldn’t. But what people don’t know about laziness is that once you’ve become accustomed to living it, you’ll rarely go back to the way you were. The next thing you know children are involved and they’re being exposed to your ratchet reality.

In the end, most people get out of their relationships within 3 to 5 breakups. But these reasons I’ve provided are usually the main factors in why those large amount of tries aren’t reduced to one. So… How many times did it take you to end your relationship?

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