Have you ever had a secret so dirty, so filthy, that you wanted to bleach your drivers’ license and pretend it never happened? I mean, forget the normal secret. We’re talking about a secret so dirty that you would probably make any soap opera look like a G-rated movie.
Have you ever had one of those types of secrets? Chances are, if you’ve been to college, partied, or lived past the age of 30, you’ve got one or two nuclear secrets to tuck in the back of your closet.
But when a person enters a serious relationship, what happens to those secrets? Are you supposed to divulge all of those titillating moments in your past? Isn’t love supposed to be about exposing the deepest and darkest aspect of yourself? Isn’t love about trust? Should you really hold any moment off limits to your lover?
Hmmmm…… Let me think…. ARE YOU CRAZY?!
There are some things that your lover just shouldn’t know. Period! Let that nasty moment in time die and be buried underneath 50 tons of rocks and earth.
Okay… Okay… Maybe I’m joking. There are some things that are okay to tell your lover. But then there are some things that are just too darned explosive. Bringing it out will surely do damage, or at best, cause doubt. And what’s the point of that?
So how do you know what is okay to talk about and what is okay to throw into your dungeon? Here are the 3 Things You Should Never Discuss With Your Lover:
- Previous encounters involving out of norm behavior: I know what you’re going to say. “What is ‘out of norm’ when it comes to sex?” You’re right. There is really no out of norm behavior on the general subject. But we’re talking about out of norm for your mate. This is a tricky one.
When you look to spend forever with someone or even a significant amount of time, you learn their sexual preferences. You start by the initial encounter and then you slowly build from there. And then as time goes on you become comfortable with each other and hopefully you have many honest conversations about what each of you likes and dislikes. And somewhere in the middle of all of that, experimentation usually occurs. That is the normal route for mostly everyone. But let’s say you know your man is very conservative in the bedroom. Why would you want to drop a bomb on him about that time you went waaaaaay beyond when you and your friends went to Vegas? First of all, it makes you look a certain type of way. But secondly, he’s going to start to wonder about his own status and if he could ever measure up. The next thing you know you’re getting that nudge at 2 am in the morning with him asking, “Do I satisfy you?” Now NO ONE could ever answer that question honestly. But if he’s asking that and you’re engaged, you have to accept the fact that because you dropped too much information about your history, you’ve cause a problem.
- Criminality: Most of us have done something a little on the outskirts of the law when we were young. Some of us threw eggs at a neighbor’s house. Others shoplifted some lip-gloss from the drug store. And still others may have raced a motorcycle at 100 mph on the highway and gotten away with it.
But you don’t go around bragging about those things. You let those things melt away into the background of your juvenile years. The last thing your lover needs to hear is how the love of his life did some gangsta criminal stuff. True, you may have broken into your school to get the answer key to a test, but if you’re trying to build trust with your man, does he really need to know you did that? And ladies and gentlemen, please stop bragging about times in which you displayed rachet behavior towards your ex-lover’s new love. Slashing tires, fist fights, and broken windows only display that your “crazy” is a little too crazy for your new relationship. Nobody wants an out of control maniac on their hands.
- Lists of your exes: I shouldn’t even have to tell people this but…. When your man or woman asks you how many partners you’ve had in your past, do us all a favor… LIE! This is the one time when lying is acceptable in a relationship.
Nobody truly wants to know the answer to that question. All they want to know is that they are special and that you haven’t been too crazy with your exploits. I mean, if the average person gets to telling the truth about how many partners they’ve had, their new partner may run to the clinic and get a shot. Nobody wants to know you’ve had a career longer than a train. Who wants to walk down the street wondering if they’re going to bump into one of their lover’s exes? It’s just best to either lie or stay silent on this one. Oh…. And quick one quick sidebar for the men…. Men, please stop asking your woman if you’re the best lover she’s ever had. Here’s a hard fact. Women don’t marry for sex. They marry for love. Chances are you’re not even close to her best lover. That dude was someone who was good in the sack because he had so much experience with other women. Your woman discovered it and did what most women do. She threw him out of her life. He couldn’t marry the performance to the feeling and got thrown out.
There are just some things people need to seriously stop talking about. I know what the ministers will say. I know what the sex therapists will say. I know what the marriage counselors will say. But it’s all about self-preservation. Make your life easier, not harder. If you can avoid dropping those bombs in the middle of your otherwise perfect relationship, do it. Some things are just better kept in the dark.