When He Doesn’t Want You Anymore

You’ve tried everything and no matter what you do it seems like he wants to leave. Although the two of you are far from having the perfect relationship, you don’t believe in giving up. No, it’s quite the opposite. You believe in fighting for your love with all of your soul and might.

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

You were always taught that no love is perfect and almost EVERY love is worth fighting for as long as there’s a shred of love left.

But with him it’s a different story. One day, just to see where his head was, you asked,

“Have you ever thought about being with someone else?”

And what was his response?

“Yeah, all of the time.”

What kind of answer was that?! You were tormented over that response for 2 weeks before chalking it up to him being a little bit salty about the last argument. But if you look at all of the arguments comprehensively; now you have a reason to be worried.

Things have moved far beyond the normal arguments you once had. At one time the two of you would argue and make up in 5 minutes flat. At the time, the arguments just didn’t seem worth the strain to your relationship.

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

Sometimes you’d make up with a kiss and sometimes you’d have a vicious bout of makeup sex (that was always great). But no matter the issue, you made up and the issue was promptly forgotten.

But that was 8 months ago. Now things have become epic battles. In the beginning he promised that he would never disrespect you by calling you the ‘B’ word. But about 3 months and 15 arguments ago he called you that word. On top of that he called you much more vile things; things that most of your friends have ended their relationships over.

And you? You haven’t been any better. You’ve literally insulted everything about him.

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

You even slapped him one day; granted it was the day he called you the ‘B’ word but slapped him nonetheless. Afterwards you acknowledged the fact that you were grossly wrong. You know that if you had been a man you would probably be in a jail cell thinking it over.  Taking things to a physical level was a bit much; even for a woman.

You’ve accused him of cheating without having any proof. You’ve accused him of being selfish when he wanted to go out with his friends. You’ve accused him of being dishonest when he openly admitted to lying to you about watching the playoffs.

He’s accused you of flirting with someone at your job (which was wrong). He’s accused you of being clingy (which you aren’t). He’s accused you of listening to your mom too much (which you sometimes do).

But these are normal problems in most relationships, right? He shouldn’t be so fed up that he’s sending the “It’s over” vibes all over the house. Things have just gotten so tense.

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

Sometimes he sits in front of the TV like a zombie while you’re in the same room. And sometimes you know he avoids coming straight home from work just so he doesn’t have to speak to you. Why does he want to leave?

This scenario is very common. Sometimes it’s the men that want to leave. Sometimes it’s the women who are fed up. Men will often oversimplify the situation. They’ll say that the woman “complains” too much. Women will oversimplify by blaming the man for not being attentive to their needs. And all the while the verbal jousting continues on…and on… and on…..until someone checks out.

So what are you going to do when your lover has decided that he or she can’t take it anymore? Where do you go from there? How do you handle living alone when you’ve given up a big chunk of your life to TEAM LOVE? How do you move on?

Here are the 5 Things to do when your lover doesn’t want you any more:

  1. Ask point blank “Do you want out”: Nothing is a bigger killer to a relationship than assuming. In his mind he may be in a confused state; wanting to avoid you to avoid an argument.
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

    And you, reading those vibes as “I want to get out”, may be about to terminate the best thing of your life based off of what you “thought” he meant. Get clarification of where he wants things to move.

 

  1. Sort your own feelings: Due to his or her behavior you may be confused as to what he or she wants with the relationship. But one thing is 100% certain about your relationship: YOU ARE DEFINITELY CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. You don’t go around slapping the people you love and you always maintain a level of respect; if you love them.
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

    What caused you to react in such a way? And what cause it the other time…and the other time…and the other time? If a problem keeps surfacing it’s safe to say that you don’t have any idea of why it keeps coming up. You seriously need to sit down with yourself and take stock of the value you’ve offered your partner. Have you always been loving? Did you give instead of taking? If he is so bad why do you want to be with him? If she’s so horrible why did you give up such a big portion of your life to her? These are questions that need to be answered.

  1. Don’t blame: Don’t blame him. Don’t blame her. Don’t blame yourselves. When you go to the doctor’s office, how often has he or she said hello to you and instantly given you a diagnosis? Never. It’s because they have to probe to discover the ailment.
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

    Arguing is only a symptom of a greater problem. And unless you’re a truly gifted psychic, you’re going to have to dig for the answer. You don’t know whose fault it is. You may not even be able to assign blame to a specific person. So don’t put all of the weight on him, her or yourselves as individuals.

  1. Take some time: The two of you could probably use a few days apart to figure yourselves out. This is very helpful if the relationship is even remotely salvageable.
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

    Do this once you both acknowledge that there is a problem. But if you’re going to take some time to figure things out apart for yourselves, communicate that to your partner. It is also worth mentioning that you should probably avoid breaking up while you are taking this time to figure things out. People have done some really idiotic things in their times of separation because of a failure to communicate.

  1. Shut your mouth: Everyone needs friends but let’s be honest here… There isn’t a friend in the world that isn’t going to come to their friend’s defense if they believe they’ve been wronged. And most of the time those friends are not angels.
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

    The problem with friends is that your friend isn’t going to look at things from an objective point of view. Their opinion is going to be slanted because they value your friendship. No friend is going to say to their friend that has just ended a relationship,

“Yeah, girl. It was your fault. You behaved like an idiot.”

Nope. Those kinds of honest friends just don’t exist.

Do yourself a favor. Keep your mouth closed and take some time away from your friends. If your lover and you have decided to end things, the last thing you need is a bunch of “I told you girls” coming from their mouths. You’re going to be trying to heal. Focusing on what caused the issue with your last relationship and genuinely seeking to repair what was wrong is the only thing you should be doing. Forget your friends…. For now.

Advertisements