You’ve reached a point in your relationship where you just know things can’t go any further. It’s just not worth it. You’ve exhausted all arguments and know his responses before he even speaks. You’re not prepared to say who is more self-center (him or you) but one thing is for sure, you don’t have a future together. You simply want to get his sh** and throw it out on the street. Words are not needed. You don’t need to hear anything else. Just go!
Things started out on a wonderful note with your relationship. Flowers bloomed, birds sang and the sun shined on your new relationship like the most brilliant thing on earth.
Friends noticed how the two of your complimented one another. You couldn’t spend enough time. The two of you created nicknames for each other; he was your “Honey babe” to your “Snuggles”. Everything was peaches and cream.
Fast-forward 1 year and the both of you look like you’ve been through a war zone. On top of the loss of affection, he’s cheated on you with two different women.
You’ve cheated on him with one of his friends. He goes out clubbing every night and sometimes he doesn’t come back. To get payback for him bouncing a few rent checks you took his credit card and you and your girl went shopping. Yeah… You can say the S%@# has hit the fan.
Okay…. So the two of you continued to stay together. You told him you forgave him. He told you that he forgave you. But instead of really letting go of the drama, he throws up the fact that you stole from him during every single argument.
Argument about not cleaning the house? You stole from me! Argument about not spending enough time together? You stole from me!
You’re no better. An argument about him going to the club so much? You cheated on me!
Argument about him not wanting to attend your family’s Thanksgiving Dinner? You cheated on me!
Things have gotten really bad. You recommended counseling to him. He ignores it. In his words:
“Why do I need a stranger to tell me what to do in my house when we both already know how to do it?”
The final straw was when after a really bad argument he hung up the telephone on your mother and threw a vase through the living room window. You just want to go now. Things are getting too dangerous.
Whether you know it or not reaching this point in your relationship isn’t what’s most important. What’s most important is the fact that you follow through with your promise and separate. Many people make it to this point and never pull the trigger.
The thought of being alone always pulls them back like a magnet. Nobody wants to be the person that roams the streets alone and shows up at all holiday functions alone. But hey, sometimes it needs to be done. Love requires a great amount of patience, respect and honesty. If you can’t be honest about the problems you have, how can you ever fix those problems?
Reaching the point of separation is really about being honest with yourself. You know when you’ve had enough. No one knows that better than you. And if you continue to stay in a relationship that is fruitless, advantageous to one party and abusive you’re surely going to run into that situation where someone gets seriously hurt; and that person could be you.
This is not a post that advocates breakups. In fact you should only end things if there is no resolution to the problems and things get worse and worse. Love requires a commitment to seeing through errors. Everyone makes mistakes and so you should not expect flawless execution in any of your relationships. But there is something to be said about intuition. Sometimes your body knows it’s over before your feelings can catch up. And not listening to what ails you is something that could end up costing you dearly.
So how do you know when it’s over? Most couples go for years and years before they finally call it quits. How do you know when you should walk away from love and kick his a** out?
Here are 5 signs you should kick him out:
- When there is no respect: Things can get heated in an argument. People are often called names and say things that they don’t really mean. It’s one of the nasty parts of most relationship.
But there is a limit. You know what you’re will to take and what you’re not. If you’ve verbalized to this individual what that threshold of disrespect is and he continuously crosses it, it is probably a good sign that he doesn’t respect you anymore.
- Physical abuse: Arguing is one thing but punching someone is something else. If he ever intentionally hits you (or you intentionally hit him) the relationship has crossed into a dangerous realm. Leave. Nobody just hits someone once and that’s it. Worse things are sure to come. No matter if he swears on a stack of bibles or begs for 10 days on his knees, leave him immediately.
- He doesn’t respect the fix: If the white surrender flag has been flown by both sides and the terms of surrender have been agreed upon, both sides then have a responsibility to live by those rules.
Outside of the occasional slipup most people stick to the agreed upon rules to repair what is broken. But if you agreed that he would no longer sleep with other women and you catch him with other women, you’re kinda the fool for remaining in that relationship. He has to respect the fix in order for it to work.
- When he’s stopped trying: This speaks mostly to the things that are necessary BEFORE you have a relationship.
If he’s stopped being romantic and doesn’t make any effort after you’ve spoken about it, it’s probably safe to say that he’s stopped trying. If you’ve had conversations about his personal appearance/hygiene and he just doesn’t care and wants to continue sitting on the sofa sucking down brewskees then he may not care anymore.
- He’s no longer reliable: The one thing about relationships that makes them so attractive is that you always have someone you can count on to have your back. It’s even outlined in wedding vows.
It’s a must. So if your man cannot be counted on to protect you, support you, and love you, he’s officially become unreliable. Nobody needs someone like that.
If your man exhibits any one of these things it may not be a reason to dump him. He may simply need a reminder of what your ultimate goal is. We men can sometimes be brain-dead. But if he’s doing the majority of these things and these issues are coming to you in a flood of consistency, dump his a**. He’s not worth the headache.