How to Blow a Woman’s Mind

A message to the men…

YOU’RE GUILTY!

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

Oh, I know you’re going to come at me like,

“Oh no, not me!”

Yes… YOU!

I’m guilty too. That’s right. We all eventually take our loved ones for granted. We don’t mean to but it happens anyway. If you’re with someone for a lengthy period of time your mind gets trapped by routine. You get up and go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch a little TV, fool around with your wife at 9:30pm on Wednesdays and Saturdays, go to sleep and then you wake up and do the same thing all over again. Life just grabs you like that.

Oh, I’m not calling you a ‘punk’ or something like that. I wouldn’t do that. But this thing happens to the best of us.

People occasionally get sucked deep into the vortex of routine.

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

They sometimes start to count on certain things being there; like those things are peripheral to them as they take that long dull walk down the hall way of life. They forget birthdays, anniversaries, and their children’s milestones. They forget to say ‘thank you’. They forget to acknowledge that their partners have “chosen” to be by their sides; even through the dull moments. They lose sight of the fact that their loved ones don’t have to be trapped in other people’s perpetual zombie dreams. They forget that to their lovers, the fatigue of other people’s daily lives is nothing compared to the fatigue of being slighted; of being treated like a reflex instead of a muscle that needs regular exercise. Sometimes everyone forgets that.

And now, you’re one of those people.

Think about this…

How many of us men will go home today and automatically expect our dinners to be prepared by our wives?

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

Or how many of us will go home expecting our laundry to be done?

What about in the bedroom?

How many girlfriends and wives will get that same dull tap on the shoulder at 11pm every Sunday night? How many of our women will satisfy us and have to accept the event as “over” as we men roll over and begin to snore?

Uh-huh…. Yep. That’s us. Lame to the core sometimes.

What about birthdays? Did your woman even get a “Happy Birthday” from her man? Did you as her husband completely forget your anniversary?

Dude…. For real?

[backhanded smack!]

Wake up! I’m definitely talking about you.

Okay… Okay…. Let’s break it down to something more basic.

How many times in a week do you say “Thank you” to your lover for cooking dinner? How many times did you say you appreciate how she makes sure the kids are doing their homework every day?

Now with that being said, how can we as men improve upon this?

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

How can we attempt to right the wrongs we’re so guilty of on a day to day basis?

The first thing we need to do as men, after we acknowledge the problem, is to make a weekly effort to change those things (I would’ve said daily but we know that might be an impossibility for most us….you know, with the playoffs coming and all).

But if we don’t make a serious effort to change our behavior and show appreciation to those that keep sanity in our households, we run the risk of losing them.

And you know who you’ll lose her to, right? That’s right, JODY. That dude who has nothing better to do than to be all things that you’re not to your woman.

Photo courtesy of Shuttterstock.com
Photo courtesy of Shuttterstock.com

He’s out there and believe me, he’ll take her right from under your nose.

So this is the homework. This is what I recommend.

Go home and BLOW YOUR WOMAN’S MIND!

Now I realize that some of you simpletons couldn’t fry an egg without a 1000 page manual on how to do it so I’ve created a list for you to follow.

Here are 5 Ways to Blow Your Woman’s Mind:

  1. Say “Thank You”: This should not be a normal thank you. Go home and tell her you need to talk to her about something.
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

    Sit her down in a quiet place. Grab her hand and stare lovingly into her eyes and say…..

”THANK YOU.”

Give her a long list of things you appreciate her for and that you are grateful for. Don’t ruin the moment by cracking stupid jokes. Be sincere.

  1. Call upon your memory: What was the first restaurant that you took her to? Do you remember?
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

    What about the first place you kissed her? Go there and bring her with you. Tell her that you remember what was so special about the place and tell her what it means to you. Give in to your mushy side.

 

  1. Spontaneous fun: This one’s a little more difficult to pull off if you have children but it’s not impossible. When she’s in the kitchen making dinner or in the laundry room or just lounging in the TV room, when the opportunity presents itself, make love. But don’t do it like you have somewhere to be.
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

    Do it with a purpose. Take your time. Tell her to give you instructions. Do the things she wants. If you run out of time (usually due to kids) set up a round 2 for later in the night. But when you have round 2, make it special. Bring strawberries and whipped cream. Plan on not satisfying yourself but instead satisfying her. Go for hours. Don’t stop. Whatever she wants you break your neck to give it to her.

  1. Switch roles: You know that expensive spa you heard your woman gossiping on the phone with her friend about? Go there. Get the most luxurious package with maximum time.
    Photo courtesy of  Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

    Then send your woman there. While she’s gone get your hazel on…. Cook, clean, do the laundry… Everything! When she returns she’ll be floored.

  1. Getaway: You know where she works and what time she gets off. Use it to your advantage.
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
    Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

    Purchase two airplane tickets to your favorite destination. Make all of the arrangements. Pack her clothing and put it into your car. When you go to pick her up don’t say a thing about where you are taking her. Drive directly to the airport. Get out. Get on a plane and go.

I know it’s a little weird for some of you guys to put your woman first. But for those guys that believe this is weird, your sole confidant will only be a video game console soon enough. So keep being silly. For those of you that really want to learn about the path to redemption, doing these five things will save your relationships. Do it daily if you can but if you can’t, weekly is good enough. You can’t go wrong with this list. And if you can’t remember to appreciate her? Well after she leaves you there’s always truck-driving school….

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