So you’re out on your third date and things are going great. The two of you are really starting to gel. You didn’t think you could be so connected to someone so quickly. All of those other dates seem like distant, dusty memories when you compare them to this one. Your conversation is never dull and he hangs on to your every word. He seems to like all of the things that you like.
The two of you even like the same kinds of food and music. It’s as though you’ve found that one special person you’ve been searching for all of your life. You don’t have a lot of experience with soulmates but this person seems like they may be the one.
After dinner and a movie the two of you make your way back to your place to “talk”. One thing leads to another and the next thing you know the bright morning sunlight is peeling back your eyelids. Discarded clothing tells the tale of what happens when liquor, emotion and desire are mixed in the hour of 2 am. You’re not shocked that things escalated the way that they did. It just felt like the right thing to do.
Could this be the one? Could this really be the love you’ve been searching for all of your life? Suddenly emotion grabs you by the throat and you pull this person close. You plant a kiss on their cheek and whisper,
“I love you.”
“Morning,” he whispers with a smile.
“Did you hear me? I said I love you,” you say again, begging for some sort of reciprocity in his gaze. You find nothing but confusion and a puzzled look that he masks by trying to change the subject.
“Uh-huh…. What’s for breakfast?”
Moments later he’s out the door, chasing a lame excuse for departing so rapidly.
What did you do wrong?
Well…. Here’s something that some women just don’t understand about men. The average young to middle aged guy is a little nervous of those three words. But when a woman says those words too quickly, nervousness turns to all out terror. Run for the hills! Men would rather go on a million fruitless dates and get poor to decent sex than to hear those words uttered too quickly.
Hearing “I love you” automatically presses the panic button with most of these men and they quickly label you as crazy, stalker, emotionally starved, or just plain dumb.
Ladies, you’re not the only ones here. Almost every woman who has spent any time past college has encountered a guy that was “quick draw” on with his confessions of love. Those dudes are almost NEVER normal and women quickly recognize that dude as emotionally starved and creepy. The last thing women want is some psycho guy rolling up to their job or lurking around outside of their apartment building until the wee hours of the night. And so those guys are cut off with the quickness.
So why do men and women do it? Why do some people say those words so quickly? Here are 5 reasons why people say I love you too quickly:
- Living up to the expectations of others: Some people have their own agendas. Heck, most people do when it comes to some portion of their life. But there are those people that have been beat over the head with the “When are you getting married” by their parents or have become the permanent sixth toe whenever their friends go out on dates. Maybe some of those people have good things happening and this person craves that time line. And so the first guy or girl that shows genuine interest, they attack them and try to lock them in their love cage within a short period of time.
- Not over the pain of a previous relationship: You can always pick out a person that seems to be damaged from the normal dating (as if there’s really such a thing) crowd. This person is THIRSTY! They cry at the slightest disagreement.
They compare you to an ex. They call at crazy times of the night “just to hear your voice” even though it’s the answering machine they get. They send a billion text messages. The list goes on and on. And the reason they’re behaving like this is because someone may have treated them very badly and this new relationship may have come along before they had time to heal. Yep…. Major baggage.
- No experience with dating: It seems very weird that these people would exist but they do. Some of the most beautiful people rarely go out. Maybe they have been so focused on their school or careers that they just haven’t had much of a social life. So maybe they can’t tell the difference between a good vibe and love because this may be their first true experience with it.
- They are selfish: Some people genuinely don’t give a crap about what the other person is feeling. They want what they want and they want it now. Your feelings and the speed at which you feel them are peripheral.
They’ll use whatever tools they have to convince you. Money, sex, other people, tears…. They will do anything to get what they want.
- Surprise! They may really be in love: I know most people don’t believe in love at first sight or falling in love very fast, but it has been known to happen.True love happening very quickly is about as common as finding a sack of money sitting on the street at the exact moment you walk out of a building, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen. It does.
I just have never personally experienced it. Not without a huge dose of skepticism.