You’re out with your man and the two of you are really enjoying yourselves. On top of hitting your favorite restaurant the two of you take a trip to the mall to do some window shopping. You don’t really get out a lot due to the hectic schedule the both of you maintain so this day is really something the both of you need.
As the two of you walk through each of the stores you notice that your boyfriend’s attention isn’t quite where it should be. He seems to be taking note of more than just gift ideas.
He seems to be…. Well…. Checking out other women.
Oh, he’s not doing anything that would warrant a full palmed slap in the mouth, but he is watching. There was a couple of times in which you asked him a question and had to repeat it because he wasn’t paying attention. He also seemed to stare a little too long at these two women that were wearing yoga pants like skin.
Should you say something to him? You don’t want to come off as insecure or jealous but you’re starting to notice the staring. Should you be concerned?
First of all, the boundaries of your relationship should be laid out in the beginning. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable should be addressed immediately. Your partner has a right to know what hurts you and what you’re cool with and be given equal opportunity to adjust to your requirements or leave the relationship.
But let’s be honest folks. Humans are not blind. And as much as we want to think our loyalties permeate every aspect of our behavior, quite honestly, loyalty has very little to do with it. This is human nature. Prior to your relationship you observed whatever you wanted. For years and years and years. And you’re supposed to instantly alter that behavior because you’re now in a relationship? It sounds good on paper but that’s not very realistic.
Secondly, there is absolutely nothing wrong or unhealthy with observing beauty. As long as you’re respectful to your partner, sneaking a peek is totally acceptable.
Here are 3 Reasons Why It’s Okay to Look at Other People:
1. It’s Normal: Humans are taught time and time again that we should be absolutely perfect when it comes to monogamy. But what does observing a beautiful person in public have to do with you being faithful? It has nothing to do with it. I’m sure I’ll get a few people that will use the fat kid and a cookie argument but they would be wrong. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging beauty. Just because I’m walking in a grocery store, doesn’t mean that I can’t control myself enough to not grab food and eat it. We are humans and observation is a part of who we are.
2. It Strengthens Your Relationship: Being honest about who you are and what you do brings a certain level of trust to your relationship. It will definitely let your mate into your world to see how you behave when they are there and when they aren’t around. Most people aren’t really offended by you observing an attractive person. They’re mostly offended by the lie used to “hide” the fact that you were looking. And the lie is always worse than the look. Choosing to let your lover see who you are often builds trust because it reveals so much about your desires. In fact, it often prompts the other party to be more open about what they like and what they don’t. The next thing you know there’s a conversation and you realize that your fears were more about you and less about your partner being susceptible to infidelity.
3. It Can Spice Up Your Love Life: Imagine if you and your lover are completely honest about what is attractive to you. Just take a second and think about that. What if you could be as open as you wanted about both of your freaky sides? That may actually work to your advantage in the bedroom. Far too often people provide fake blueprints to their sexual satisfaction destination. Imagine giving your mate the REAL blueprints. Imagine that you and your mate not only discuss what the two of you are attracted to, but also “share” the experience. Now I’m not talking about anything too wild (although everyone has different speeds that are acceptable to them). I’m simply talking about sharing who you find attractive and what physical aspects you find sexy. Imagine having a conversation like that with your lover. Speaking about what lights your fire will undoubtedly lead to more romantic fulfillment in your relationship.