We protect what we love. That’s the bottom line. I know today’s progressives will have you believing that you and only you are responsible for the safety of yourself within a relationship. I know they want you to believe that the “individual” within the relationship should never expect protection from their partner.
But let’s keep it real folks. What you value, you protect.
From the early stages of our dating experiences we learn this lesson. Think back to high school. Boys and girls were quick to argue, fight and battle over love (or what they perceive as love). I can’t remember how many times friends of mine battled another guy over a girlfriend during those adolescent days. Yeah, those were mostly testosterone-fueled feelings, but anger and fear are indistinguishable to the adolescent heart when it comes to protecting what’s yours.
And girls? Not much better than boys in those teenaged years. They weren’t so quick to physically protect what was theirs but make no mistake about it, they were learning those same lessons. Some of those lessons were crueler than the methods used by boys. They’d start a nasty rumor about someone who they felt was competition. Sometimes they’d punish a girl by using isolationist tactics (like freezing her out of social circles). And yes, sometimes they’d fight.
Either way, whether girl or boy, we learned to protect what we cared about. And most of us learned on our own without much guidance.
As we became adults and grasped for maturity, we fooled ourselves into believing that we moved beyond protecting what we love. The tactics of protecting what is important to us somehow morphed into something more palatable in society…..the acceptable self- lie.
We took phrases meant for more specific things and used those statements as generalized tarps to cover our entire relationships. And we did it all for conformity. Phrases like, “I don’t fight my woman’s battles” or “I don’t need to defend my lover” have become security blankets we use to make ourselves feel less like weaklings and more “sophisticated”.
So, should you protect what’s yours? Should you defend what you love?
The answer is a resounding YES!
Nobody’s saying you should walk outside and punch someone in the mouth. That kind of rachet behavior is bound to have life-threatening results. But there is nothing wrong with protecting what you value. And I’m probably one of the few people who believes that this “displayed protection” is a necessity in a healthy relationship.
Here are 3 Reasons You Should Fight for What You Love:
1. It strengthens your relationship: You can think whatever you want but “knowing” is always better than “thinking”. Would you rather surmise that your lover would do anything for you or would you rather know it? Nothing brings a couple closer than knowing the value you see in one another. Life is extremely unpredictable. Knowing that your partner places your love and safety paramount brings the both of you closer to what the ultimate destination is for lovers; spiritual marriage.
2. It lets everyone know how much you care: As I stated previously, fighting is not the move. I’m not an advocate for violence and I don’t condone it. But protecting what you love doesn’t need to be a physical confrontation. Sometimes it’s just letting the world know you are inseparable. For example: Let’s say you have your lover over at your parents’ house and your mom or dad says something completely offensive to your lover. You don’t have to jump up and start breaking dishes and smacking people across the head with boxing gloves (I’d imagine a very bad outcome if you did that). All you need to do is to politely excuse yourself from the dinner table and leave with your lover. You don’t need to say anything. All parties know what was said and who was offended. But that showing of solidarity lets the offender know they were out of bounds and that you are on the side of your lover. And letting your lover see that defense is one of the most important things you could ever do in your relationship.
3. It instantly separates you from the competition: We have to keep things all the way 100. People who are in strong relationships are randomly tested from time to time. When your relationship is healthy people can just see the love surrounding you when you are together. And it is during those moments that the competition will see how weak your game is. It’s not your job to be gatekeeper for your significant other. But then again…. It kinda is. There’s nothing wrong with letting a person with evil intentions know to back the heck up. Sure, your significant other should be discouraging all interested parties, but you have a responsibility too. If you see a chick eyeing your man in public, stare back at her! If she’s too overt with it ask her, “Can I help you with something?” There is absolutely nothing wrong with guarding your territory.
Look, many people will tell you that love is all powerful. But sometimes that love needs to be nourished and protected. Sometimes you just have to let the world know you value your lover. Sometimes that means opening your mouth to battle your friends and family. Sometimes that means shunning someone even when you know your lover is in the wrong. And as much as I dislike violence, sometimes you just gotta scrap to let those suckers know he’s taken. I don’t condone it but that’s just life.