Have you ever been propositioned to date someone that was not within your standard? I’m not talking about “uptown” versus “downtown”. That type of scenario is just plain stupid. But what about choosing an individual with all of the same qualities? What about someone with the same drive? The same beliefs? The same lifetime goals? That isn’t a bad thing at all.
Dating a low-income person and dating within your standard are two totally different things. While it may seem arrogant and extremely elitist to decline to date someone based on what they can provide, it isn’t necessarily out of bounds. In fact, it’s quite intelligent. For example, if you’re a lawyer and you’re propositioned by someone who is unemployed and lives at home with his mom, why would it be wrong for you to decline that invitation? That would be quite intelligent.
I’m not talking about classism. Truck drivers and doctors date all the time. What I am talking about is choosing someone who has the same underlying drive to navigate life. While a truck driver isn’t going to move in the same circles as an attorney, that doesn’t mean he’s not motivated to do better in his life. The emphasis isn’t on the paycheck amount, the emphasis is on the drive. Who wants to be with a couch warmer with no ambition?
Here are 5 Reasons You Should Have Standards in Dating
1. Sex isn’t necessarily something in common: Sex is not something in common. What most people fail to realize is that sex eventually fades away. While someone may be awesome in the sack, their ability to balance a checkbook or pay their bills responsibly is much more of an asset.
2. It Keeps your “emotion ratio” within acceptable ranges: Let’s say you had a bad day. How much did that bad day affect your week? We call that the emotion ratio. From the time you got pissed off, how much did that bad day affect the other days? Do yourself a favor and apply that question to the person you’re considering dating. Now granted, it’s kind of difficult to get an answer for this question from someone that comes up to you on the street and propositions you for a date. But sending several denials their way or becoming friends before you decide to engage them in the dating arena will give you the answers to this question. In general, the average person navigates their emotions quite well. They’re not knocking over buildings and setting cars on fire. Be sure that this individual isn’t a psychotic nut looking to jump from the highest building due to receiving a speeding ticket. Dating outside of your standard can throw this ratio out of wack and cause significant damage to your life.
3. It’s better for your finances: If she’s responsible with money and he’s not, what do you think that would do for their future planning? Their planning would be destroyed. It has very little to do with individual career choices and more to do with being able to make life plans come to fruition. Her being a janitor and him being a doctor has very little to do with finances. Not in the long term. It’s how those two individuals manage those finances. The janitor could be the best money manager. The doctor could be the most irresponsible. In that case, the janitor would probably be better off finding someone who was within her life standard. The doc might be the scrub.
4. How can he or she take care of you? Let’s say that the two of you experience a catastrophic event. You’re incapacitated and cannot contribute as you always have. Furthermore, you have medical things that need to be managed on a daily basis. Are you sure he or she can hold things in place while you recover? While cancer and other big illnesses require money, most illnesses really only require a firm desire to find a solution to the financial problem, calm nerves to mitigate the crisis, and the ability to manage the day to day care of a loved one. Good luck with that if you’re dating outside of your standard. He or she might be gone when times get bad. Or maybe your money might be gone with them.
5. Family and Religion: Your family and your significant other’s family will be watching. The cohesiveness of those two giant familial ships combining for life really depends on if you’ve correctly chosen within your standard. It only takes one jacked up incident to crush expectations for grandchildren, family vacations and the trust of in-laws. And while you’re on it, think about religion. Placing all of your bets on someone because they were a good romp in the sack is destructive in almost every religious realm there is. The two of you are supposed to be trying to reach forever hand in hand. Choose stupidly and your soul could be tormented for years.
The bottom line is this: Choosing outside your standard is a Vegas trip with all odds on the house. There’s very little probability in you walking away with a little more than a few good memories. Choosing within your standard is a long game. And while every television show from here to Nantucket will try to dictate to you what your love should be, at the end of the day, it’s your decision to make or break your life. And there’s nothing wrong with boxing within your weight class.